I like to follow the fads after they are long gone, so we’re bringing back a 2012 classic.
Also we’re bringing me back.
How can I be so freaking busy, but still feel like I am achieving nothing?
How can I make myself believe that I am doing good. That I am doing okay?
There’s literally nothing else I could be doing.
Or more like, there really isn’t any more time left in the day for me to be doing anything more.
I work, I study, I go to school, I come home and work more from home, I play music, I volunteer to do shit, I talk to friends, I give advice, I reach out, I try to track what I am eating.
There’s still so much more I want to be doing, but there just isn’t any time left.
So when I get a Saturday to myself, I can’t even fucking enjoy it.
I can’t enjoy a slow and sunny Saturday.
‘I don’t want to go out by myself, or without a good reason when I can be home getting work done’ is a real sentence I uttered today. IT’S SATURDAY. It’s not even fucking Sunday.
Where am I running? Why am I not getting there? Why did I eat 8 cookies today? That was way too much.
I should also mention that I am on the verge of being single and sad about it for 22 years. Can’t a good guy love me for charity? But obviously not mention it to me.
Let me be ignorant just once. Let me not know all the shit going on. I don’t want to see it in your face, and I don’t want to hear it in your voice. Fake it. And fake it good.
I’ll believe it.
I’m that lonely.
My roommates boyfriend is visiting this weekend. Another friend started hooking up with a guy who loves her. Another one cheated on his long-term boy friend with another. Another friend finally slept with her flatmate.
I ate 8 oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. And wrote about Aristotle. Yay me.
I can’t wait to go out tomorrow and numb my brain with humor. I love humor. Thank heavens for funny people and all the funnies. I would be for-realsies depressed if it wasn’t for humor.
Can you tell?