I’m All Over It (Jamie Cullum)

Hi.

What better way to get back on here a good few months after my last post, with a tune by the same artist I used for my first post.

I’m almost halfway through my life in college, and boy am I exhausted.

“Hello innocence,
Though it seems like we’ve been friends for years,
I’m finishing.
Oh how I wish I never begun.”

I used to know what I wanted, what I exactly wanted from my life.
Life was limitless, if I wanted something bad, I got it.
Working hard for it meant working enough for it.
Improving meant better – and better was the best there was.

“I’m all over it now, and I can’t say how glad I am about that”

The last two years truly proved hard, but man, this last semester was the hardest blow I got since forever.
I watched myself scrape the surface of life and I still fell through the cracks.

“I’m all over it now,
Cause I worked and I cursed and I tried”

And I tried improving myself, and I did improve myself but I watched it not be enough. Not enough for anything.

“And I said I would change but I lied.”

I watched people be better than me. I watched people be better than themselves. People I thought weren’t all that good just kept proving me wrong, leaving me in awe and frustration.

I thought I wasn’t confident.
Now I know what not being confident means.
I now know how much I can doubt myself, every freaking day.

“But there’s still something that moved me inside”

So what do I do now?
How do I build myself up from this frustration?
How do I turn this into a story and leave it behind me?

I really don’t know.
And
I. Am. So. Freaking. Done.

“I’m all over it now!”

So that’s where I’ll leave you for now, since I still need to paddle through the last couple of days of the semester. If one other prof I am counting on will disappoint me with their harsh grading, I’m going to get drunk and shout at strangers.

Cheers!

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