I’m so unsure, all the time.
I feel like a child, then I feel really old, then I feel good and then I feel bad, and then I am so lost.
Sometimes I worry about the future, then I get caught up in passing minutes, then I waste a whole day watching TV.
I love my friends, I really like most people, but then I get so angry, and disappointed.
I find it hard to believe that this is it. This is college. It’s almost done, and I haven’t gotten anywhere.
Well yes, I’ve gone across an ocean, back and forth, quite a few times.
I want to breakdown and cry and maybe give up all this, but that’s not in me.
But what if making it is also not in me? Because I’ve been stuck for a while now. Blaming everything else.
I find myself re-writing my texts to my parents, trying to form the least worrying sentences. Though, sometimes, I want someone to worry about me. And constantly reassure me that everything will be fine. That I am smart and strong and I can make anything happen. And that they will be there with me.
Then I do love doing things on my own. Makes me feel good about myself.
I think I am very alone.
And I think this has been one of the times that I had the most of my friends, but I still am alone.
There is not one person I could say anything and everything to.
Not one person I talk to without re-thinking my thoughts.
Was it always like this?
Maybe I didn’t have this many opinions.
I love sleeping, and dreaming, and dreaming of love.
Hope everyone has a great dream tonight.