We Never Change (Coldplay)

Hi.

“I want to live life and never be cruel
I want to live life and be good to you”

I really do.
I want to be good, and never be cruel, and be kind and understanding and welcoming.
I want to feel well, and I want you to feel well, and I want everyone to be happy.

But I just can’t anymore.
I can not be good. And I am cruel once in a while.
I lost my patience and my perspective. I don’t see good when I look around me. I see mistakes. I see wrong-doings. I see stupidity. And I have no tolerance for any of it. I lost it.
I was drained from my tolerance in the last three months.

“I want to fly, and never come down”

Never.
Because, honestly, I don’t see when I’ll be happy again. I just don’t.

“And live my life, have friends around”

Real friends. No bullshit friends. My filters are narrrower and more specific.
I have enough friends now to say that I don’t want any new friends who will not stand their ground and know how to respect.

“We never change, do we?”

Oh but we do.
I never believed that I would change. I thought I was at the stage where my character would not be trimmed.
I wasn’t.
I am crueler, angrier, sadder, and am always disappointed.
Happiness is further away from me.

“We never learn, do we?”

Seeing the mistakes I’ve made, I guess I do not learn. At least I used to not learn. I think I did get my lesson this time.

I am so tired.

So upset.

So lost.

“Oh and I don’t have a soul to save”

Cheers.

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2 thoughts on “We Never Change (Coldplay)

  1. Any change in personal habit or attitude is a result of either circumstantial adaption or enormous conscious effort. Constant cynicism and self doubt is simply no way to live (take it from someone who knows). Find something healthy that you can use as a base for establishing a more positive outlook on life, and embrace it.

    For me it was humor. I use it to suppress my personal insecurities and, though that can be a flaw in itself (see: jackass). For you it can be music, or writing, or poetry, or cheesy inspirational tweets (recommended: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=e8JXVIT3G4KjyASckoL4Bw&url=https://twitter.com/ended_open&ved=0CB8QFjAA&usg=AFQjCNFiE-e0dw-Viug0ZO3oLZcQgzlF6Q Mine, lol), or anything that makes smile. If you honestly can’t get yourself to feel better long after whatever current issues pass, you may have depression, and I strongly recommend seeing a professional (DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE). Otherwise, I believe you can always find a reason to cheer up. My blog is a good start 😉

    • I love this comment – thank you so much for your concern and taking your time to write this 🙂

      I am going through an immensely shitty experience (almost a chain of shitty experiences), and for the first time in my life I can actually feel it changing me.
      But I know I will be fine in the end, I just need time.
      I think the freshness of the sadness comes out pretty dark in my writing, and sad songs are a great fuel for enhancing it.

      On another note,
      I decided to follow your blog to put a smile on my face once in a while 🙂

      Thanks again, and don’t be a stranger!

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