“I want to live life and never be cruel
I want to live life and be good to you”
I really do.
I want to be good, and never be cruel, and be kind and understanding and welcoming.
I want to feel well, and I want you to feel well, and I want everyone to be happy.
But I just can’t anymore.
I can not be good. And I am cruel once in a while.
I lost my patience and my perspective. I don’t see good when I look around me. I see mistakes. I see wrong-doings. I see stupidity. And I have no tolerance for any of it. I lost it.
I was drained from my tolerance in the last three months.
“I want to fly, and never come down”
Because, honestly, I don’t see when I’ll be happy again. I just don’t.
“And live my life, have friends around”
Real friends. No bullshit friends. My filters are narrrower and more specific.
I have enough friends now to say that I don’t want any new friends who will not stand their ground and know how to respect.
“We never change, do we?”
Oh but we do.
I never believed that I would change. I thought I was at the stage where my character would not be trimmed.
I am crueler, angrier, sadder, and am always disappointed.
Happiness is further away from me.
“We never learn, do we?”
Seeing the mistakes I’ve made, I guess I do not learn. At least I used to not learn. I think I did get my lesson this time.
I am so tired.
“Oh and I don’t have a soul to save”