Let’s stray from the financial crisis that I am having into a crisis in my love life. We might as well, right?
My love life has been non existent since as far as I can remember, and one thing for certain was that I never wanted it to be this way. Despite of the lack of success I am having with my crushes, I do have a number of them.
But if there is anything I have learned from my extensive history with crushes, is, that crushes don’t do you any good when you don’t know how to act on them.
Unless you are a fan of feeling miserable while watching rom-coms.
“Why do you let me stay here? All by myself
Why don’t you come and play here?
I’m just sitting on the shelf”
And I really am, just sitting here and waiting. Which is a strategy you’d think I’d drop after it’s numerous failures, but I never found the guts to do so.
I have seen so many of my crushes flirt with other girls (some to the point of falling in love with the aforementioned girls), that I kind of adopted a set prejudice that whoever I might be liking, likes someone else for sure.
Not only are they not-interested in me, but they are interested in someone else.
I am good at reading the signs, since I am so freaking familiar with them, and I can tell that they are flirting with that tall-tan-young-and-lovely friend of mine. And not me.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not an awkward third wheel either. I actually talk/ed to most of my crushes, and I got along with them. One reason I ever had crushes on these people were because I liked talking to them.
“Why don’t you sit right down and stay a while?
We like the same things and I like your style”
But talking nice and getting along doesn’t work by themselves. They have got to be accompanied with some sort of charisma, some sex appeal. And I am an absolute mess at that.
Being the goof that I am – I don’t know how to “have” sex appeal. My addiction to chocolate certainly doesn’t help either.
So I am always stuck on that “good-talk” level.
And I hate it.
Well, I actually don’t, because I like a good-talk but what I hate is just knowing throughout that talk that it’s not going anywhere. However whimsical, intelligent or funny I may be – it won’t help my case.
And that’s frustrating. Because that’s how I do things. I talk my way through life. Idealistically, my talk, my intelligence, my personality should be sufficient too, right?
Well, it’s not. Not an ideal world, where being me is sufficient. [Wishful thinking: Not just yet.]
“Let’s make it known:
I think you’re just so pleasant
I would like you for my own”
I also feel like a persons general sex appeal is very much linked to the fact that whether or not if anyone finds them attractive too.
Let me simplify: I think if person A knows that person B thinks you’re cute – then person A gets to thinking:
“Is s/he cute? What is it with her/him that person B’s so into her/him?” etc.
Don’t you think?
People dig the social norms. It’s a habit. So the more people there are that agree that someone is hot, the more people they will attract to the subject.
As you can see – I have a very twisted and logical way of approaching all of this.
And it’s only because that if I don’t have this kind of awkward way of looking at things, I would just have to admit that I am really lonely.
So, I refuse that.
“Why don’t you sit right down and make me smile?”
because honestly, I deserve that. And you know it.