Blue Monk (Abbey Lincoln)

Hi.

“Going alone, life is your own, but the cost is sometimes dear”

Oh yes. It is.

I have been having some of the worst days of my life the past couple of weeks.
I feel like this little packet of trouble was to remind me that to expect life to be good, just because you try to make it good, is not smart. At least not always.

“Being complete, knowing defeat, keeping on from year to year”

Life’s just bad, and unfair, and mean sometimes. It’s not personal or anything, it just is, and you just have to deal with it like any other person – despite your different calibres of goodness.

“It takes some doing, monkery’s the blues you hear, keeping on from year to year”

And it’s at these times that I feel completely defeated by the harshness of life, that I have trouble believing that things are actually happenning. This is one of the few times in life I found myself really wanting to “wake up” from this nightmare. Or go back in time to stop myself from making a certain decision.
Never before, I feel like, I wanted to change things so badly.

“Life is a school, less your a fool, but the learning brings you pain”

Everyone I talked to, including myself, agree that this is an experience. It’s a lesson, a huge lesson to put in my book of learnings. I now know how to avoid a major wreck – or so they tell me.
And I now know this feeling of desperation, and how this too has to pass.
Time moves forward. It goes. Life goes. However much you feel stuck in a day, or lost in a mess, or simply sad these are all temporary.
We are temporary.

“Knowing at once you’re just a dunce, trial and error, loss and gain”

Somewhere in my heart, there’s a smal piece of me that still believes in the balance of life. However low you may get, it only means that you are going to rise back up – just as much as you have fallen deep into a mess.
You just have to accep whatever life throws at you. You have to mend it at once. You have to rejoice it if it is indeed a good thing. Right there and then.

“It takes some doing, monkery’s a slow slow train, trial and error, loss and gain”

The truth is, next thing you know, it’s all over.
This situation too has passed.
It left its place to new joy and troubles.

And I know it sucks to be in the middle of the mess, it sucks to be stuck right in the middle of it. And I know that when you’re there, knees in the dirt, there is no energy in you to convince yourself that “things can only get better”.

“Finding your one place in the Sun, doesn’t come the easy way
Shallow or deep, nothing is cheap, measured by the dues you pay”

But you have to. Or you have to accept that you don’t have the energy just yet – but that you will have it in a few days.
Because time moves forward. You move forward.
Everything is temporary. You are temporary.

It’s not easy. And apparently, life’s not even supposed to be easy. So it’s on you to make it better.

“It takes some doing, monkery’s a blue highway, measured by the dues you pay”

Cheers

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