Just a few months ago I was talking to a friend and I told her how I thought I didn’t think there were any aspects of myself that I have not discovered.
I still stand by that — but I moved on to this new stage where I am discovering the limits of these aspects. Not only the aspects of myself, but the societies’ that I am a part of.
You see, I always knew that Aspect Z existed. I just did not know that it was so persistent and so common.
“You could be happy, and I won’t know”
These few days’ discovery is that everybody is capable of hurting one another.
And at a point in your life, every person you have ever known will hurt you. One way or the other.
This sounds incredibly dramatic, but let me clarify that this discovery did not come from a relationship-ending fight with a lover or anything.
It’s coming from the simple things.
Something as small as being ditched by a friend, because they were too hangover from a party you were not a part of. Or being scolded by your mother senselessly for something you did not even do. Or being made fun of by someone you confided in to understand you.
These things don’t happen often, and they usually resolve into sweet apologies and you forget about them pretty easily. They’re not worth burning bridges over.
But they do happen. And they have a stinging burn
“So why?” I keep asking myself “Why do we keep doing this?”
How fucked up are we to hurt the people close to us in our sudden bursts of anger; or feel so relaxed in our neglection while we know for a fact that our closest ones need us to “be there”.
Where do we find the confidence to assume we’ll be forgiven?
When did we stop fearing to hurt one another?
How can our closeness bring us such a distant attitude?
“Is it too late to reming you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur”
I will admit that I probably do it just as much as anyone around me too.
But then, I can’t feel good at all. Not until I sort things our.
Because to me, that’s how friendships are supposed to be.
You see I don’t believe in the whole “Oh, good friends don’t apologize, they just know!” idea.
It’s your closest friends who you should feel the worst to hurt. It’s them you should “apologize” to, if indeed you want to be forgiven for a mistake.
Who cares about what a random person thinks about you, whether s/he forgives you or not?
Your closest ones. If you do them wrong, you apologize. You ask for forgiveness. There is no other way around it. It’s respect and it’s love. It’s friendship.
So, since there is no way we can avoid being hurt and hurting one another, since it’s our nature, we better try to make up for it.
“You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I’d been by far”