Out of all the people I know, I can tell you that I am the most unlucky one when it comes to love.
I heard everything. I heard the worst of things, got rejected in the weirdest ways and been friend-zoned like a boss.
Let me also tell you, before getting into the anecdotes, that I am not the sexiest person alive. I am quite far away from that. First off, I had weight issues almost all my life. Secondly, being the mature but goofy me, I was doomed with the talent of giving a “friendly” first impression.
Someone not particularly good looking, but humorous and conversable.
That’s who I was. And I don’t mean it in an arrogant way (how can I? this post is about how helpless I am at love) but I do sound like good “friend” material. Nothing more.
So, about those anecdotes.
Give yourself a minute and think about all the bad experiences you can have about love, before even being in a relationship with someone. All the upcoming snippets from my non-existent love life have happened to me while I was single. I didn’t even have a chance to be desperate, while in a relationship.
Here’s what would happen to me if I liked someone:
If I found the courage in me to talk to them, I would become friends with them.
Before I would know it, they would start sharing their secrets with me. And I would be fine with that, thinking, that it meant that they trusted me and enjoyed my company. Who wouldn’t want that kind of closeness from their crush? Right?
Unfortunately, there is only one thing that comes out from that closeness, and it is not a date. It’s a confession, that they like this Other Girl.
There was this one time, I was just certain that The Guy liked me, we’ve been talking every day, writing poems together and all that good stuff. So one day I recieve this sequence of text messages from him:
“I have to tell you something.”
“Fuck, I’m so anxious but I can’t keep it any more.”
“I’m in love with The-Other-Girl”
How wonderful, right?
And the sad little me wrote back to him, encouraging him to talk to The-Other-Girl, because that’s what I used to do. I would try to help people find love.
We all deserved it. Well, we still do.
I can’t even begin to tell you how many times this has happened to me. I just mastered the supportive-post-wrong-confession-attitude.
Then there are the shorter dissapointments.
The only time I asked a guy to dance, I got rejected.
Another one of my top stories goes like this:
This one summer, I was just checking this guy out. I haven’t even talked to him or anything. In the course of my vacation there, that guy started flirting with my friend, so hung out with us for a few days, where we got to know him a little.
Finally the day before we left, he made the weirdest confession known to men: He apparently told my friend to tell me that “When he first saw me, he thought I was this fat loser; but now that he got to know me, he was sorry that he judged me like that in the beginning. He now knew I was a great person. He was really sorry”.
What the hell, was all I could think of. Who in his right mind says stuff like this?
I blame that guy, singularly, for a good section of my insecurities.
He single handedly reduced my self-confidence regarding first impressions.
Seriously, what the hell.
Lastly, there were those crushes, that I just never spoke to.
With them, I never even had any encounters. They just became people I had stories of, that knew nothing about me. Except maybe that I was that funny girl that went to their school or they saw at that thing.
You may wonder (if you were patient enough to read so far into the post) why I would chose such a hopeful song for such a miserable post.
Well, honestly, I still think love is gonna get us all.
In fact, my misfortunes and my silly-ass expectations from a good relationship are making me believe that if I ever end up finding someone who actually loves me, and whom I love back, than that guy will be perfect. In every sense of the word. Perfect.
He would have to be, to put up with my eccentricities and to love the so unlikely me despite all my flaws.
So I am excited for that.And I can’t think of a reason not to be happy about it.